I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
