i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
