I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
