omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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