I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
