when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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