I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
