you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
