woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
