ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
