Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
