My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
