I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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