I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
