After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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