I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
