Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
