I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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