I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
