my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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