Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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