so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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