Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
