and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
