this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
