They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
