Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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