maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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