you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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