apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
