Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
worst night to have a conscience
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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