there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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