hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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