It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
