So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
