he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize