my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
