proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
