I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
