thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
