fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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