Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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