very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
