Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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