Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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