Ambien. No doubt about it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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