I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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