If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
