im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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