sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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