I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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