Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
