After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
