Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
