she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
