Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's like iHOP with fire
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
