i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
