Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
