I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
