You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
