The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
