One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
