i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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